Zack: This is that high water mark Hunter S. Thompson talks about. The monster manual wave has broken. The high point has been reached.
Steve: "I'm attacking this reef with my sword. How many hit points does it have?" *The DM pages helplessly through his books. "I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!!"
Zack: "Roll initiative."
Steve: Can't wait to get Keith and Jamie and maybe Rick in and build a whole adventure around some coral. Snorkel Outing of Elemental Evil.
Zack: Expedition to the Barrier Reef.
Zack: You know the subsequent Monstrous Compendiums featured all the usual retreads of this like "undead coral" and "giant coral" and "coral golem."
Steve: Dire coral.
Zack: From hell's heart, I gently undulate at thee.
Steve: This coral can only be defeated by placing some starfish on it.
Zack: If the party remains stationary for 6-8 months they're doomed.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.