Steve: I love Rifts, but we need to get out of the way right from the start that Kevin Siembieda is probably insane.
Zack: Yes, Siembieda is crazy and he basically writes every page of every giant Rifts book. The text here was taken from the intro and in it he thanks this guy Pat, who wrote the book, but then Siembieda re-wrote almost the whole book. And he keeps giving himself bylines all throughout the book.
Steve: Yeah, okay, we've established that the dude is bonkers. Now I think we need to establish how much ass he kicks. He kicks all of it. All of the ass.
Zack: Here, Steve, I am afraid our opinions will have to diverge. I'm sorry to say that Kevo's concept of a quartet of Japanese Brigadoons phasing in and out of time and sprouting out robotic samurais and demons and ghost ninjas or whatever else is just the usual "throw everything at the wall" Rifts style with a thin vaneer of Japanophilia.
Steve: Did you just scoff at the idea of a ghost ninja?
Zack: This book contains 10 different versions of the ninja character class, from magic ninjas to cyborg ninjas. There is literally a crazy ninja class. Literally.
Steve: Everyone loves ninjas.
Zack: Everyone is fucking sick of ninjas. The Internet has ruined them.
Steve: Not possible.
Zack: Ninjas were once great. They were like your best friend from high school. Lots of great memories. He invited himself over to your house and it was awesome for a while reliving all of the fun times you had in high school, but after a couple weeks you realized that you have this whole other life that doesn't involve playing Xbox and farting up the couch 24/7 and it is to the point that he won't leave and just the sight of his face makes you want to beat the shit out of him.
Steve: The next thing you're going to tell me that pirates aren't funny anymore.
Zack: Pirates are great.
Steve: I knew it!
Zack: For an idiot who loves shit.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.