Zack: Only in Rifts do you end up with a sentence that begins, "They also have twice as many psionic powers as normal crazies..."
Steve: I don't know if they meant to do it, but I'm kind of getting a crab and horse vibe from this guy. Like they crossed a crab with a horse and gave him some ninja weapons.
Zack: Wait, what is a M.O.M. implant?
Steve: Mind Over Matter, it makes you have psionic powers but it also might make you crazy. That's where crazies come from.
Zack: No, crazies come from bad genes and the bewildering vicissitudes of modern society. Although an implant that would talk to you in your mother's voice and compliment your hard work or tell you how handsome you look might actually cut back on some crazies.
Steve: Ugh, my mom just yells at me all the time about leaving pizza boxes on the oven or not putting the dog gate up when I let Elminster in the house.
Steve: Yeah, he lives outside most of the time, but he gets real excited when he comes in the house and jumps up on the couch and my mom flips out.
Zack: Why would you keep a pet wizard? I thought you hated wizards.
Steve: He's a German Shepherd and lab or something mix. He is dumb as heck and chews everything up and he sucks big time, so I named him after the lamest wizard ever. My mom got him to replace Beastmaster after he got hit by the UPS truck. My mom won't even call him Elminster, she calls him Dusky or Dusty or something. I can't even tell when she says the name.
Zack: Sometimes I wish I could come over to your house for dinner, Steve.
Steve: No you don't. My mom can't cook at all. She fed me hard boiled eggs for dinner once a week when I was a kid. The whole house would smell like farts for the next day. I'm leaving though.Zack: Setting out on your own?
Steve: Yeah, I'm just waiting for Keith's wife to die from lupus and then we're gonna get an apartment together.
Zack: Steve Crazy, O.C.C.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.