Steve: That's my average day.
Zack: I think this is the plot of the Treasure of the Sierra Madre.
Steve: Is that the one with we don't need no stinkin' badges?
Zack: Yes, with Humphrey Bogart and they're mining for gold in Mexico. Or on Mars. Mining for Phlogiston.
Steve: I remember when they unlock the Martian code and reactivate the atmosphere thingy and Humphrey Bogart's eyes are bulging out of his head.
Zack: And then Arnold Schwarzenegger sees the three-fingered handprint on the mules the Martians brought into town and His Majesty's Infantry arrests them and hangs them.
Steve: But at least before they died they got to see three boobs on a Chinese vampire.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.