Steve: You have entered the lair of the mega crab!
Zack: You know you're in a bad place when it's described as a "lair." Nothing good ever has a lair. You never hear about unicorn lairs or elf lairs.
Steve: The Mega Crab comes clattering forward and he is brandishing his giant claws. You see evil in his eyes.
Zack: Is that Hebrew on the band around his arm?
Steve: It's magical runes.
Zack: Magical Talmudic runes?
Steve: The crab attacks! He misses! His brutal claws will cut you in half if he manages to snap them shut on you!
Zack: Even normal size crabs are pretty hard to kill, but they're really easy to scare. They just see you and they start to try to get away. I'm going to scare the crab with my scariest Scare spell. Welcome to a nightmare world of Baltimore crab boils and weird parasites that sprout out of that one spot on your carapace you can't reach with your claws.
Steve: The crab is very afraid. It starts retreating.
Zack: Is there any treasure in its lair?Steve: Just a door out of the room and the dark corner where the giant crab is cowering. You do find some skeletons of unlucky adventurers.
Zack: I animate them to form an elite skeleton squad.
Steve: You form a skeleton squad, but it's not very elite.
Steve: There's a room with two tunnels and water floating in mid-air flowing from one tunnel to the other and there are some kayaks on the floor. You can see fish in the water.
Zack: Of course that is happening. Naturally.
Steve: What are you going to do?
Zack: Me and the skeletons are going to take the kayaks I guess. You know how the saying goes: "When in dungeon, use the kayaks to navigate an impossible mid-air river."
The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
Pros: Much more comfortable than my last toilet seat, which was a transparent resin with seashells embedded inside. The outer layer wore off from friction, exposing the sharp jagged edges of the seashells, which were constantly scrapping my backside and causing major cuts and open sores.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.