Zack: You know how when you're like eight and you've got an older brother or friend who has had some small amount of sex experience and he keeps talking about all these things you can't conceptualize? Like you picture a rubber as an eraser and a vagina as a cartoon black hole on a woman's stomach.
Steve: Yeah. I saw a picture in Keith's dad's Hustler one time and it had a vagina and a butt hole in the picture and I thought the vagina was where the baby came out and the butt hole was where the pee came out.
Zack: Yeah, that sort of thing. This is what I bet girls picture a dude's donk looking like when their older friend tells them about it.
Steve: You really thought this one through.
Zack: It's just what came to mind.
Steve: I mean, I get your point, but it's like all about kids thinking about weiners and stuff.
Zack: I'm saying us when we were kids.
Steve: Yeah, but then you went on to the girls thinking about weiners and I don't know. It's just a little weird is all I'm saying.
Zack: Fuck you, Steve!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.