Zack: You know how when you're like eight and you've got an older brother or friend who has had some small amount of sex experience and he keeps talking about all these things you can't conceptualize? Like you picture a rubber as an eraser and a vagina as a cartoon black hole on a woman's stomach.
Steve: Yeah. I saw a picture in Keith's dad's Hustler one time and it had a vagina and a butt hole in the picture and I thought the vagina was where the baby came out and the butt hole was where the pee came out.
Zack: Yeah, that sort of thing. This is what I bet girls picture a dude's donk looking like when their older friend tells them about it.
Steve: You really thought this one through.
Zack: It's just what came to mind.
Steve: I mean, I get your point, but it's like all about kids thinking about weiners and stuff.
Zack: I'm saying us when we were kids.
Steve: Yeah, but then you went on to the girls thinking about weiners and I don't know. It's just a little weird is all I'm saying.
Zack: Fuck you, Steve!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.