Steve: Now we're into the different armies. Starting with, of course, Space Marines. The genetically engineered, 8-foot tall, ultimate badasses of humanity.
Zack: If you go into a hobby shop and there is a 12 year old there he is going to be playing one of three things: Yugi-Oh, Magic, or Space Marines.
Steve: They're easy to understand and they appeal to the 12 year old mind.
Zack: Yeah, there are space elves and space orks and regular guys with tanks, but then we've got these other guys called Toughest Fighters. They're like the other armies, but they fight tougher.
Steve: The best part is when you buy your first batch of Space Marines you are entitled to argue about which chapter of Space Marines is the toughest.
Zack: I liked the Space Wolves, but they didn't quite fit with me so I went ahead and made my own chapter. They're called the Dark Wolves. The Emperor made them by crossing Dark Angels with the Space Wolves.
Steve: They sound pretty awesome.
Zack: Oh, and they're all female.
Zack: Even the dreadnoughts.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.