Appearing In: Power Pack
Thanks: Cecotroph

Dr. Thorpe: Whoopie Goldberg: Mexican Samurai.

Zack: Numinus compared to King Clock proves that running out of ideas in the 50s was a lot cooler than running out of ideas in the 80s. "Man, have you guys seen Jumping Jack Flash yet? Check this out, it's rad." Two hours later and Numinus was appearing in Power Pack.

Dr. Thorpe: The way it stares at you, it just seems to say "yeah, I look ridiculous, what are you going to do about it?"

Zack: It looks like her mechanical arms are somehow powered by sombreros.

Dr. Thorpe: And judging by her collar, she's extremely powerful.

Zack: I think that's less a collar and more of a chair for her huge head.

Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, her head is like twice the width of her leg. She's monstrous.

Zack: What the hell is going on with her front? It's like a metronome made out of medallions and Twizzlers.

Dr. Thorpe: I mean, this is a seriously off-putting picture. I think I might have bad dreams about that giant face floating outside my window, inviting me to appear on Hollywood Squares.

Zack: I wonder if they designed a hideous purple or pink skinned version of Bruce Vilanch to bend the bottom of the square and fumble out one-liners that weren't funny enough to include in Episode 102 of "Bette!"

Dr. Thorpe: Ugh, I don't think there's any doubt about those nightmares anymore. They're definitely in the mail now.

Zack: I would say that Whoopie should have sued Marvel over this but I'm sure Power Pack generated negative amounts of money so she'd probably end up with shipping containers full of unsold back issues. Not even Whoopie could tolerate that much Whoopie. Hell, if I were her I would cover my mirrors with black sheets and puncture my eardrums with a screwdriver.

Dr. Thorpe: What do you suppose her powers are? Besides being the crucial center square, of course.

Zack: Well, it's certainly not Comic Relief because Power Pack was horrible. *rimshot*

Dr. Thorpe: Maybe we should move on.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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