Dr. Thorpe:Hey, wait a minute, I don't think those are official Dipset shoes. I can't put my finger on it, but something looks a little bit fishy about them.

Zack:"Let me just drag a dead rat across the front of my shirt...now hand me the ketchup...mmmm, yeah, all set. Let's hit the club." He'll be really excellent at picking up women who are eating French fries.

Dr. Thorpe:It took him a while to get back in the game after the indignity he suffered when someone ran over him with their bike. Good thing he had the fashion skills to turn tragedy into triumph by parlaying the skid mark into an ensemble so grand it could only be captured with a montage shot.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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