From: "Bob Stafford"
Hi Jeff K. - I really want to be a l33t haX0r like yourself - only I don't know what that means. I am completely baffled by this "hacker speak" stuff. Could you please give me some tips as to how to interpret and interact using this obviously cool form of communication - syntax? spelling? verb conjugation? Thanks much.
OKEY, TIME FRO TEH HAXOR 101:
"HAX0R" - uses technalogy to break into computars and spy on teh govarnment. Best movie too see this si teh movie "HAXORS". This was a vary acurate movie about computars and teh haX0rs and it was about kids who haev found a secrat disk for a bad virus! So teh secrat service sends MEANE SECRAT SERVICE agents to shots teh kids name Acid Born and Silly Killer and Phantom Freaky and they skateboards (haX0rs sk8) and runs away and OH NO USE TEH LAPTOP WITH RAM TO HAXOR GOVERNMENT - - - it worked!!!! so go watch haX0rs too see haX0rs and the women who hack are vary sexy AND LOOK LIKE ELFES
"l33t" - I dont know, i think it means k3wl
"k3wl" - I dont know eithar
Linux - Opereating system, uses bettar than Micorsfot becuase Bill Gates is a fagot and tries to monopoloize things liek Luinx Torvavlavaedes. so teh justice dapartment says Janat Reno maeks Micorsoft breaks up.This si Janat Reno. She want Bill Gats to start a Chicken restarant and no more softwares
so now Micorsoft must compete with Lunix by spilliting into maney companies: Micorsoft ME, Microsoft YOU, Microsoft Bill Gats Car Wash, Microfot Entartainmint, and Micorosoft Minesweepar and he has too use Windows Blinds too maek it more customizaeble. It can use red and blue to. Janat Reno also took Alien Gonzales from his parents and now holds him in a mansion with ghosts and a library. And now teh Cubans says "WE WENT ALIEN GONZAGA! WE MAEKS PROTEST AND RIOT" and now Cuba has 100% emplymint rate becuase when teh Island Police come they says "What dose evarybody do in Cuba" and Fidel says "MY PEOPLE PROTEST ALIEN GONZAGA FULL TIME, LEAVE US YUO AMAREICAN PIGS" and Cuba's main export business is "WE LOVE ALIAN" signs. and america wants Alien so we can put him on FOX TV as "BOAT RAFT WATER CUABAN BOY HERO IS A HERO" show/
From: Travis Phillips
Subject: learn to spell.
You will definitely increase your credibility if you learn how to spell. You could use spell check.
WEBTRENDS DICTATES I HAEV EXCLENET CREDIBILITY RATEING WITH MALES AGE 18-31# where yuo just haev excellint relatians with there butts. YUO COULD USE TEH SNOT MACHINE TO MAKE YUORSELF MORE PHYSICALEY APPEALING SIR (just a tip)Teh magic nose cleanar maeks yuo more appealing to teh othar jail prisonars!!!@ OPEN UP BUTT, HERE COMES A SURPRISE!
A reluctant family is forced to welcome a non-human participant to Thanksgiving dinner.
Perfect Eggs Every Time: Hold an egg in your cupped hands. Put your hands over a fire, squeezing them together gently to crack the egg open. Try not to let any egg liquid or egg shell fall out between your fingers.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.