3. Deron Williams (Point Guard, Brooklyn Nets)

Deron's logo represents the infinity of basketball and Deron's belief that he contains all universes within himself in a recursive hoops loop. While not entirely explained via quantum string theory, it is possible that we might be able to utilize this knowledge and some sort of sneaker-based vessel to travel from point to point all the way across the court without bouncing the ball a single time.

4. Peyton Hillis (Running Back, New York Giants)

Peyton has been tearing up the field in style by branding all of his merch, including his shoes and socks, with the Aldi logo. He likes a good deal and he likes to get the word out about bargains. He also uses his twitter account to tweet weekly Aldi specials and good deals he spotted while stocking up throughout the week. A lot of people like good deals and that is why Aldi and Peyton Hillis are both really popular.

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.

  • Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.