"Pancakes" all the way. Everyone knows the iconic hoops term "pancakes" and its association with JaVale McGee who "loves pancakes." Available on hats, shirts, socks, belts and NBA-licensed charm bracelets at Target stores.
Tony Romo's "Maraca Jerk" Rasta pepper playing maracas can be found on a variety of branded merch. He picked the pepper because he likes things spicy and a little bit wild. It fits his rebel personality.
"The Jan Kat" tough alley cat is worn by all the tough cat fans of Sebastian "Janky" Jankowski. You can hear the Jan Kats in the kicker's corner in the Oakland stadium cheering during every important kick.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.