I went to the beach with Viggo's sister. I drew a picture of the beach. There was sand and waves and I didn't like it very much because it was hot.
A seagull bit me and I fell asleep for a while on a towel. There were birds everywhere and I think they need to do something about that but don't hurt the birds.
One time Viggo and me went sledding down a hill. I had a regular sled, but Viggo had one of those plastic shield sleds that goes super fast. He went too fast down one of the hills and he hit some little kid and his mom. The mom was okay but the little kid had a bloody nose. Viggo just wanted to help the little kid, but the mom insisted Viggo give her an autograph and he had to sign it "Hidalgo."
I love the fans. They're all welcome in the coop.That's one of the only Viggo movies I haven't watched all the way through. I saw part of it on TNT but they had too many commercials and I had to switch channels because there was a Monk marathon on USA. That's okay, I will NetFlix it here at the coop.
My favorite Viggo Mortensen movie is History of Violence. I love when the guy comes into his restaurant and pulls that gun and Viggo hits him in the head with a pot of coffee and then shoots the guy and then shoots the other guy and he has these little bacon flaps of meat hanging from his mouth.
Bacon Flaps. I like it. That will probably be the title of the second, currently untitled album with Viggo due out in December. Viggo had a lot of lyrics he wrote about cowboys so I just totally thrashed to the lyrics and the result is nothing short of ball shattering.
The third Buckethead and Viggo Mortensen collaboration is untitled. It's all original love songs including some really graphic descriptions of sex.
I didn't even know what "sounding" was until Viggo explained it to me.
Other than that, I haven't been up to much. Hanging in the coop, ya know. Recording two albums with Praxis, an album with Brain, two albums with Butthouse, bringing some Buckethead fingerwork to a Primus album, oh, and a solo album that will be in a limited edition set of 1000 and I will personally record each album individually. I will hand-write the liner notes and draw the cover art.
For January 2009 through all the way to the end of the first week in February I've got seven non-Viggo albums planned. Eight because one of those Praxis albums is a double album.
But my 100% main focus is Chinese Democracy for right now. Check it out!
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.