The Wheel of Painful Failure (coming soon)
Ready to bet at the "high stakes" table but can't afford the outrageously expensive $5.00 per bet minimum? Why not wager your personal dignity and life instead? Yup, FAKE Las Vegas is the first gambling establishment to put an actual price tag on your life! It's not like you have to worry about anything... unless you lose, and who the heck plans on losing?
We'll credit you with a whopping $50.00 if, upon losing, we get to publicly label you as a convicted child molester for the next six months!
If you want to go for $100 better be prepared, upon losing, to work in the FAKE Las Vegas sweatshop inserting radioactive isotopes into the FAKE Las Vegas snow globes. Don't worry, you won't get testicular cancer from being exposed to an opened snow globe for longer than six seconds! All those medical reports were simply lies spread by the vile Scientologist news media!
Where else can you trade your dignity and any value of worth for a quick and cheap shot to win a couple hundred dollars? Well, besides virtually any other casino out there.
Are we not allowed to be real parents anymore? We may have feared the CyborFreaks, but we damn well respected them and learned about boundaries.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
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