The "Really Damn Big" Slot Machine of Confusion
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Tired of putting your money into normal sized slot machines that have obvious winning combinations? Kill the predictability of those boring old slot machines with our patented "Really Damn Big" Slot Machine of Confusion! Yes, this slot machine, which is over eight feet tall and 10 feet wide, is not only "really damn big" (The FAKE Las Vegas Herald) but also features nonsensical winning combinations and pictures that aren't based in any rational logic at all! Ready to win $1,000? Just pull the lever and hope to line up a pineapple, picture of Rosie O' Donnell's ass, and the logo from "Max Headroom"! With odds that change every minute and winning combinations that are dependent upon the current phase of the moon, you'll never quite be sure how to win, making the gambling experience even more exciting!
Current jackpot combos are as follows:
Rutabega : Disembodied Skull : Nuclear Bomb - pays 10
Batman : Plate of Macaroni and Cheese : Atomic Symbol for Boron - pays 20
Some Sort of Glowing Circle : Bucket of Paint : Bloody Arm Stump - pays 50
Symbol of David : Chocolate Danish : Eye of the Beholder - pays 100
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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