Express Gambling Stations
Heading off to an important business meeting with the president of Chevrolet and the Pope and many high ranking executives of an oil-rich country, yet you really want to gamble a few bucks before you arrive? Well the Express Gambling Station was created with you business-oriented individuals in mind! Simply toss a couple hundred dollars into our Express Gambling Station and run off to that big meeting you've got planned! No pointless waiting periods for the slot machine to roll its counters; simply deposit your money and go! The Express Gambling Station - the quicker and more effective way to gamble your money away!
NOTE: The previous Express Gambling Station design, which consisted of a series of fireplaces to throw your money in, turned out to be less economically feasible to operate. However, much like the previous design, the odds on the newest Express Gambling Station are exactly 0:1, which is roughly the same odds as all other slot machines.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
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