Express Gambling Stations
Heading off to an important business meeting with the president of Chevrolet and the Pope and many high ranking executives of an oil-rich country, yet you really want to gamble a few bucks before you arrive? Well the Express Gambling Station was created with you business-oriented individuals in mind! Simply toss a couple hundred dollars into our Express Gambling Station and run off to that big meeting you've got planned! No pointless waiting periods for the slot machine to roll its counters; simply deposit your money and go! The Express Gambling Station - the quicker and more effective way to gamble your money away!
NOTE: The previous Express Gambling Station design, which consisted of a series of fireplaces to throw your money in, turned out to be less economically feasible to operate. However, much like the previous design, the odds on the newest Express Gambling Station are exactly 0:1, which is roughly the same odds as all other slot machines.
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.