Additional features of the highly versatile SA MoFOS:
By simply speaking into the mouse, the computer will instantly recognize your voice and let you access any secret files. It can also distinguish and enhance voices from prerecorded sources; for instance, you can hear what that jerk cousin of yours was saying about you if you place a microphone in the opposite corner of room during a crowded dinner party. Pointing the microphone directly at him will make the "target" area even better and the computer will process the voices more distinctly (it will show you that it is working correctly by displaying a fluctuating sawtooth wave). Sometimes the microphone doesn't even need to be in the same room - simply point it at the target from your unfurnished secret warehouse miles away!
By the way, your cousin says you are a prick!
Before. What is this? A person? A vegetable? The periodic table?
After. Thanks to the miracle of MoFOS, we can see it's our pal, Cliff Yablonski!
Ever get annoyed when your low quality security camera doesn't quite pick up a liquor store heist due to it's poor refresh rate or the fact that it has about 11 dpi quality? You'll never look back again with MoFOS's built in picture enhancement programs! These program can "interpolate" between pictures taken as long as six years apart. This means you can catch the robber's face on camera as he glances up for two nanoseconds in between frames. Simply use the spoken commands "zoom in there" and "enhance, computer" and in no time you'll find your culprit's pixel-perfect face, name, and entire DNA sequence by constantly zooming in and enhancing. The original quality of the picture DOES NOT MATTER! Service Pack 1.5 will include X-ray, metal detection, and Ultra Violet modes so you can check for weapons or loose change on the target.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.