I want to preface this by saying that I felt like I had to write this article with what was going on in the world. It might get me in a lot of trouble, it might make some people a little ticked off, if you know what I mean, but you have to know the truth about Israel.
Oh, you think you know the truth about Israel? Get the spoon out of your mouth and try this on for size.
The State of Israel is a nation located in the Middle East.
Starting slow. Don't want to upset your whole world view.
It is adjacent to the Mediterranean sea. It became a United Nations member in 1949.
Is this getting through to you? Here is a picture of Israel:
Here is Israel's flag:
Israel has a parliamentary system and a prime minister. Here is a picture of the current Israeli prime minister:
Yep, that's actually him. Notice the flag over his shoulder.
Buckle up, because if you want to place a phone call to Israel, the code is 972.
Wake up, people, because the most common turtle in Israel is the Mediterranean spur-thighed tortoise. That's right.
The same spur-thighed tortoise that lives throughout North Africa, Southwest Asia and Southern Europe. A version of it lives in Israel.
What's wrong with this picture?
I think I set the compression wrong, but I just don't know.
You want to get into it? Turtles don't have a religion, that we know of, but do you think he would be okay if he knew that Jews run the majority of the cupcake bakeries in Israel?
Look up the stats. It's true. Think for yourself.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.