Dad: What a character ... What were we talking about again?
Linda: I don't remember. *walks over to chair, sits down, and picks up a word find* I think I'm just going to do this Bible word find on why homosexuals go to hell.
Dad: All you ever do anymore is word finds. It's like you like them more than me.
Linda: Well, what do you expect? You're out farming all the time, and when you come home you usually have decompression sickness and just lie on the couch and cough up blood. I have no one to talk to, no one to feel close to. I turn to Bible word finds for guidance, but you know what? *slams word find down on the table* They aren't helping anymore!
Linda walks over to the window and points out at the lunar landscape.
Linda: Look at this! God spent six days on the earth. How long do you think he spent on the moon, like a millisecond? It's just a round, white lump of rock. It's like a spherical oxycodone pill.
Dad: If that's how you feel, then just leave.
Linda: Fine, I will!
Linda marches out the door. A few seconds pass. The door opens and Linda runs back in, gasping.
Linda: Holy shit, I almost died out there! I can't believe you just let me do that. You were seriously just going to sit there while I walked out the door without a spacesuit and suffocated to death.
Dad: Even the most loving relationships can turn ugly. When tempers boil over, fighting is occasionally the only solution.
Linda: Hmm ... That actually makes a lot of sense. Where'd you hear that?
Dad: Dr. Phil. *points at TV set* That's what he just said.
Linda: Oh, I love Dr. Phil! Wanna watch it together?
Dad: Absolutely. The man's a genius.
Linda: Okay, I'll make some popcorn. I love you, honey.
Dad: I love you too. And if it means that much to you, I'll buy you a diamond.
Dad: Sure, as long as it means I don't have to perform cunnilingus.
An incredible thing happens when Discount_Bees takes control of the illustrations. Thanks for the great work!
Game of Thrones has mercilessly killed off characters over the years, but these lesser characters are still waiting to meet their fate.
What movies other than Rat Race could be improved by the surprising entrance of Smash Mouth?
day 2: still working on the car
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.