Dad: What a character ... What were we talking about again?
Linda: I don't remember. *walks over to chair, sits down, and picks up a word find* I think I'm just going to do this Bible word find on why homosexuals go to hell.
Dad: All you ever do anymore is word finds. It's like you like them more than me.
Linda: Well, what do you expect? You're out farming all the time, and when you come home you usually have decompression sickness and just lie on the couch and cough up blood. I have no one to talk to, no one to feel close to. I turn to Bible word finds for guidance, but you know what? *slams word find down on the table* They aren't helping anymore!
Linda walks over to the window and points out at the lunar landscape.
Linda: Look at this! God spent six days on the earth. How long do you think he spent on the moon, like a millisecond? It's just a round, white lump of rock. It's like a spherical oxycodone pill.
Dad: If that's how you feel, then just leave.
Linda: Fine, I will!
Linda marches out the door. A few seconds pass. The door opens and Linda runs back in, gasping.
Linda: Holy shit, I almost died out there! I can't believe you just let me do that. You were seriously just going to sit there while I walked out the door without a spacesuit and suffocated to death.
Dad: Even the most loving relationships can turn ugly. When tempers boil over, fighting is occasionally the only solution.
Linda: Hmm ... That actually makes a lot of sense. Where'd you hear that?
Dad: Dr. Phil. *points at TV set* That's what he just said.
Linda: Oh, I love Dr. Phil! Wanna watch it together?
Dad: Absolutely. The man's a genius.
Linda: Okay, I'll make some popcorn. I love you, honey.
Dad: I love you too. And if it means that much to you, I'll buy you a diamond.
Dad: Sure, as long as it means I don't have to perform cunnilingus.
An incredible thing happens when Discount_Bees takes control of the illustrations. Thanks for the great work!
The good news is the republican convention is over. The bad news is if I can escape this police car how do I anull a marriage??
Take a look at Hollywood's brightest stars who won't be allowed to shine at this year's RNC.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.