HERTZ DONUT posted:
I want a girl who's pretty (obviously), and sweet. I want her to be smart, and to be more liberal than I am; she should listen to cool music, and have more fun and cooler friends than I do, and drag me along so that I try new things and open up. She should make fun of me, lightheartedly, and go out of her way to be with me.
But she should be faithful (she had fucking better not cheat on me), and especially mature. She shouldn't waver on whether or not she wants me, and she should be responsive when I'm a hopeless romantic who buys her stuffed animals and jewelry and takes a greyhound hundreds of miles to see her (I don't demand entirely doey-eyed, but it should feel like it means something to her.) She should think I'm adorable for volunteering with kids, and mean it; she should have friends of both genders, but more girls than guys, probably, and we should be jealous about each other sometimes and be okay with it. She shouldn't be looking for anything less than an actual, emotional, romantic relationship.
edit: Has no history of cutting or self-injury, and is only a light drinker; no drugs or smokin'.
Attention Whoring Girls Who Deny it
You're sitting in front of me in a miniskirt, fishnets, goth boots, and a WoW t-shirt that silhouettes your tits quite nicely, and telling me about how you just don't understand why all these silly boys are always all over you and you really don't want all this attention but just can't seem to get rid of it for whatever reason! If you crave the attention of sex-starved men, rock on. No girl doesn't enjoy this at some point in her life. But Christ, do not tell me that the drama that follows you around is totally inexplicable and you're just an innocent victim of creepy people. If you genuinely don't want calls every night from men saying they'll kill themselves if you won't fuck them, then don't talk to them. Don't dress sexy if you don't want sexual attention. Don't keep being friendly to people if you actually want them to go away and then bitch about how they just won't leave you alone. Don't go to bars almost naked grinding all over dudes if you aren't prepared to either fuck them or deal with them wanting to fuck you. You're not fooling anyone (at least not anyone who doesn't want to fuck you) with your innocent little victim act, so shut up.
Maybe it depends on the area you are in or something, but I eventually started lieing about being a virgin because it usually ended up in me being made fun of, or at least everyone was obviously creeped out by it.
One girl I had known for maybe a month or so started asking me about that stuff and upon learning of my being a virgin became immediately freaked out and had to go puke on my lawn.
To Op, it's not like losing your virginity is some life changing event. Even if you got laid you wouldn't suddenly lose a mystical 'virgin barrier' and become normal. I lost my virginity at 24 and I'm no better now than I was then, and haven't had sex again since, am still as socially uncomfortable as ever, all despite the fact that I had a truly amazing first time with an amazing girl.
After about 2 weeks of dating-Her: I'm sort of waiting for a guy to come back...
Me: From where?
Her: His mission...(LDS). He'll be back in a year or so, but I feel the right thing to do is wait.
Me: So, you're saying you're choosing this guy over me, who is gone for another year, in a foreign country, instead of me?
Her: Yeah...I hope that's okay.
Me: :smith:She was actually a pretty cool girl, especially for being mormon. But she made that choice, and that was pretty much the kicker for me that i'll be avoiding mormon girls to date. It's been over a year, and i'm still trying to convince myself that I'm better off without her, but it's not going well. Let's hope this semester is fruitful!
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.