HUMAN HEAD IN A LARGE GLASS CASE

The perfect pet.

People who own a human head in a large glass case include:

  • People responsible for recently severing somebody's head
  • Victims of a decapitation

Reasons to own a human head in a large glass case:

They're infinitely more fun than owning a bird.

You don't have to feed it, unlike fish.

It smells better than a ferret, and won't bite you when provoking it to bite you.

Much friendlier than a cat.

More intelligent than a dog.

It will not attempt to take over the Earth.

As you can plainly see, the human head in a large glass case, while technically not being a pet, is by far the superior choice for any pet owner. I would advise everybody out there to rush to their nearest pet store or church, demanding to be sold a human head in a large glass case. If they claim they don't sell them, kindly remind the owner that you have an empty glass case at home... and he has a human head.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Guides

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.