Lowtax - I can tell you more if you want.
Chiefs Fan - Cool. I am ik;
Lowtax - What's that? Did you go nuts or something over there?
Chiefs Fan - Sorry, cat go on the keyboard.
Lowtax - You have a cat? So do we! We loves cats.
Chiefs Fan - Me too! We house strays.
Lowtax - That's very nice of you, I'm real proud. The wife and I are in the animal business, so we've got all kinds of nutty animals running around.
Chiefs Fan - What buisness?
Lowtax - We run a bat farm.
Chiefs Fan - A bat farm??
Lowtax - Yeah. The SoCal Sliders Bat Farm. We've got over 50,000 bats here.
Chiefs Fan - Why on earth would you have that many bats?
Lowtax - For all the movies here. There's quite a few films shot in California. For example, have you ever seen the movie "Bats"?
Chiefs Fan - No...
Lowtax - Well we consulted for that film. What we do is raise bats and train them to shit on command.
Chiefs Fan - Why??
Lowtax - Because when the bats are going crazy and flying around like idiots on the movie set, they can't be crapping on the actors and stage crew. Do you know how much shit 50,000 bats generate?
Chiefs Fan - I have no idea.
Lowtax - Let's just say it's enough to fill the Liberty Bell.
Chiefs Fan - Wow...
Lowtax - EVERY MORNING!
Chiefs Fan - You don't let the bats in your house though?
Lowtax - Of course not. They're in El Rancho Bato out back behind the garage. We cant let them in the house because of all the cats and ferrets and dogs that run around here.
Chiefs Fan - You have ferretts too?
Lowtax - Yeah, it's like a zoo here. My wife loves animals. The ferrets are a nuisance though. They keep stealing my hearing aid when I sleep.
Chiefs Fan - Sounds like a ferrett to me : )
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.