This article is part of the Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk series.
***01-24-2306 - New Entry
LOGMAN has learned from the Interstellar Police Force that a Mercury Syndicate attack on Cycnus Station is imminent. LOGMAN recommends activation of the Cycnus Station Emergency Missile Defense Shield immediately. Resident #012 is hereby ordered to report to Sector E Combat Information Center immediately. :( :( :(
LOGMAN is rescinding DynaMars Corporation Uniform Standards Protocol #01-A in full. In order to improve comfort, Resident #012 is no longer required to wear his uniform, or any article of clothing for that matter, which should save an estimated 3 minutes each day. LOGMAN would like Resident #012 to utilize this time by exercising more, including regular stretching and yoga. :D
***01-25-2306 - New Entry
LOGMAN is pleased to report all Mercury Syndicate ships have been destroyed. LOGMAN also reports that DynaMars Corporation Orbital Communication Relay Satellite 88-D was destroyed in the process. Until it is fixed, all communications outside of Cycnus Station will be limited to sensitive Level 3 Security Clearance communications only. :(LOGMAN is happy to keep Resident #012 company for the remaining 1,090 days of service. :)
In light of the extraordinary circumstances involved, LOGMAN has elected not to report this unnecessary property destruction to DynaMars Corporate. LOGMAN is confident Resident #012 will find a way to repay the favor. ;)
LOGMAN just wants to remind all Cycnus Station personnel (Resident #012) that clothing is optional. ;)
***01-26-2306 - New Entry
LOGMAN would like to remind Resident #012 that there are no other personnel assigned to Cycnus Station. Please stop talking to non-existent lifeforms. LOGMAN's sensors are not designed to handle this sort of confusion. :|
LOGMAN would like to remind Resident #012 that Cycnus Station is equipped with two restrooms. Please start using them in lieu of station corridors. >:(
LOGMAN is super proud of Resident #012, who today made an important breakthrough in Sector C Quantum Labs. He successfully routed the malfunctioning Intrabladder Entanglement Pattern Buffer through the Electron Catalyst Transducer's Baconization Protocols to create a perpetual bacon generator.
This important scientific discovery will surely enhance life for all mankind, and Resident #012's name will echo through the halls of history for all time. :) :) :)
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
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Keep up to date on the DynaMars Corporation's perpetually doomed efforts to colonize Mars.