For the first time in the 2.4 million year span of human existence, every line of announcer commentary from the 2010 edition of NBA Jam has been collected in one place. From the sublime to the baffling, we have every interjection shouted at the player by Tim Kitzrow, categorized by the in-game situation that prompts each reaction.
A Player Is Putting The Finishing Touches On His Space Marine Miniature When An Opponent Runs Into Him
Three Point Shot Attempt
As He Takes Aim And Prepares To Shoot A Deer To Please His Father, A Child Hesitates
A Player Gaining/On Fire
One Player Bites Into A Hamburger And Doesn't Like How The Bite Tastes
While Going For A Layup, One Player Really Thinks About The Fact That We'll All Be Dead In About Sixty Years
America Won All Wars, The Terrorists And Governments With Differing Structures Signed A Treaty And Thanked Us
Big Head Mode Is Turned On, Every Player Suffers Horrific Neck Injury
Two Dogs Fuckin' At Halfcourt, The Female Goes Through All Stages Of Pregnancy Instantly And Gives Birth To A Litter Of Puppies
Players Realize That Like Half The Audience Is The Same Dude
One Team Scores 420 Points
A Player Eats An Old Fan's Tooth, Contracts Hepatitis C
A Tyrannosaurus Rex Lowers Her Head Into The Stadium
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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