For the first time in the 2.4 million year span of human existence, every line of announcer commentary from the 2010 edition of NBA Jam has been collected in one place. From the sublime to the baffling, we have every interjection shouted at the player by Tim Kitzrow, categorized by the in-game situation that prompts each reaction.

Slam Dunk

  • "Slam-A-Jamma!"
  • "BOOMSHAKALAKA!"
  • "1993!!!"

Blocked Shot

  • "Get that outta here!"
  • "I would rather not have this ball in my net!"
  • "The shooter was me in eighth grade, the defender was Kacey Monroe, and the ball was my heart when it was still pure and hopeful!"

A Player Is Putting The Finishing Touches On His Space Marine Miniature When An Opponent Runs Into Him

  • "That one's not going on eBay! SCIBBITY-BOO!"
  • "He brings down the warhammer!"

Three Point Shot Attempt

  • "From downtown!"
  • "His hands are nowhere near the rim! Is that even a dunk?"

As He Takes Aim And Prepares To Shoot A Deer To Please His Father, A Child Hesitates

  • "He's pussing out! Never be a real man now!"

A Player Gaining/On Fire

  • "He's heating up!"
  • "His body temperature is dangerously above ideal!"
  • "He's on fire!"
  • "Oh God, the court is made of wood! The ball is made of wood! The stadium is made of matchsticks! Someone let me out! Why do they lock me in this booth at the start of every game?"

One Player Bites Into A Hamburger And Doesn't Like How The Bite Tastes

  • "HamBLERGled!"

Stolen Pass

  • "Intercepted!"
  • "As an overly self-conscious white man, I don't feel comfortable commenting on this!"

While Going For A Layup, One Player Really Thinks About The Fact That We'll All Be Dead In About Sixty Years

  • "The unspoken burden we all carry! SHAMALAMAJAMMA!"

Missed Shot

  • "Puts up a brick!"
  • "Can't buy a bucket!"
  • "He must be a bigamist, introducing us to all these misses!"

America Won All Wars, The Terrorists And Governments With Differing Structures Signed A Treaty And Thanked Us

  • "Finish them!"

Big Head Mode Is Turned On, Every Player Suffers Horrific Neck Injury

  • "VERTEBREAK!"
  • "I've heard of stars getting big heads before, but this is ridiculous!"

Two Dogs Fuckin' At Halfcourt, The Female Goes Through All Stages Of Pregnancy Instantly And Gives Birth To A Litter Of Puppies

  • "Count it!"

Players Realize That Like Half The Audience Is The Same Dude

  • "Multiplicity was an underrated movie!"

One Team Scores 420 Points

  • "That's a lot of points!"

A Player Eats An Old Fan's Tooth, Contracts Hepatitis C

  • "Hep hep hooray!"
  • "No chompin' on the chompers!"

A Tyrannosaurus Rex Lowers Her Head Into The Stadium

  • "No one move! Stay quiet! A T-Rex has poor eyesight, but it can sense movement and has excellent hearing! Why am I shouting?! Why did they unlock my door this time?!"

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.