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Supplies Dwindling of Staple Items to Burn in Protest of Not Receiving Adequate Staple Items

Starving Children Line Streets Begging to Be Stranded on Carnival Cruise Ship with No Power

Port-au-Prince Water Supply Contaminated With Bacteria Previously Only Found In Cartoons

Opinion: Small Rocks Keep You Filled Up Longer Than Mud

Knowing When Your Family is Ready to Board a Dangerous, Makeshift Boat and Sail for the USA



President of Haiti Urges Fortitude From Balcony of Hotel in New York

Ethnic Minority "Jujandos" or "Hat Youths" Invented to Blame Everything On, Massacre with Hammers

Scientists Estimate Another Category 3 Hurricane May Cause 15.1 Dollars in Damage to Tarp City

Rum Deal: Exxon Executives Caution Size of Oil Deposit Under School May Not Pay Slave Traders for Strongest Male Laborers

Haitian University Launches Study to Determine God's Reasons for Forsaking Us

"Might as Well Give it a Shot," Haitian Bishop Mulls Church's Conversion to Mosque


Profile: Ten Most Scalable UN Compound Fences and Barricades

Estonian Beards Suspected By Mob of Being Cholera Carriers, Unrelated Shops Burned

Three Down: UN Peacekeepers Kill Three Dispersing Rampaging Mob Formed in the Wake of Difficult Crossword Question

Friendly Game? Mob Tempers Flare After Kenyan Peacekeepers Crush Locals in 1-0 Footie Fiasco

Correction: Belgians Not Full of Chocolate So Break 'Em Open, Cut 'Em Open As Originally Screamed On the Air at Our Radio Station



French Promise Massive Relief Package to Languish in Obscure Budgetary Procedures and Ultimately Fail to Reach Haiti

United States Parades Fat Sailors Past Impoverished Island on the Decks of Gleaming Ships Each Worth More Than the GDP of Haiti

What Parts Not to Eat From a Crashed Helicopter

Yucca Fountain: $9 Billion Port-au-Prince US Embassy Compound to Include Man-made Lake of Radioactive Selenium Effluent

Study Suggests Clinging to the Railings of Departing Relief Ships Might Not Guarantee Refugee Status

Daily Kos Raises Money to Buy 300 Tent Shelters We Will Bake to Death In While Reading Donated Bibles


Miley Mania Seizes Capital Following Airdrop of Thousands of Unsold Hannah Montana Toilet-in-a-Bucket Kits

Transistor Radios Dropped in 2011 to Receive 4 Additional Creepy Numbers Stations Plus Highly Anticipated "Ascending Tones" Station

Epidemic Haitian HIV Rate to Eliminate Last Human Pleasure Remaining to Our Nation

Safety Warning: Guidelines for Limiting Time Spent Staring Into the Sun, Wishing for Death

"Mobs On the Beach" to Offer Retro Mobs in December, Plans to Torch Portion of City Burned in 1984 Cereal Riots

Talkback: Your Ultimate Fantasy Death

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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