This article is part of the Foreign News Aggregators series.
Supplies Dwindling of Staple Items to Burn in Protest of Not Receiving Adequate Staple Items
Starving Children Line Streets Begging to Be Stranded on Carnival Cruise Ship with No PowerPort-au-Prince Water Supply Contaminated With Bacteria Previously Only Found In Cartoons
Opinion: Small Rocks Keep You Filled Up Longer Than Mud
Knowing When Your Family is Ready to Board a Dangerous, Makeshift Boat and Sail for the USA
President of Haiti Urges Fortitude From Balcony of Hotel in New York
Ethnic Minority "Jujandos" or "Hat Youths" Invented to Blame Everything On, Massacre with Hammers
Scientists Estimate Another Category 3 Hurricane May Cause 15.1 Dollars in Damage to Tarp City
Rum Deal: Exxon Executives Caution Size of Oil Deposit Under School May Not Pay Slave Traders for Strongest Male Laborers
Haitian University Launches Study to Determine God's Reasons for Forsaking Us
"Might as Well Give it a Shot," Haitian Bishop Mulls Church's Conversion to Mosque
Profile: Ten Most Scalable UN Compound Fences and Barricades
Estonian Beards Suspected By Mob of Being Cholera Carriers, Unrelated Shops Burned
Three Down: UN Peacekeepers Kill Three Dispersing Rampaging Mob Formed in the Wake of Difficult Crossword Question
Friendly Game? Mob Tempers Flare After Kenyan Peacekeepers Crush Locals in 1-0 Footie Fiasco
Correction: Belgians Not Full of Chocolate So Break 'Em Open, Cut 'Em Open As Originally Screamed On the Air at Our Radio Station
French Promise Massive Relief Package to Languish in Obscure Budgetary Procedures and Ultimately Fail to Reach Haiti
United States Parades Fat Sailors Past Impoverished Island on the Decks of Gleaming Ships Each Worth More Than the GDP of Haiti
What Parts Not to Eat From a Crashed Helicopter
Yucca Fountain: $9 Billion Port-au-Prince US Embassy Compound to Include Man-made Lake of Radioactive Selenium Effluent
Study Suggests Clinging to the Railings of Departing Relief Ships Might Not Guarantee Refugee Status
Daily Kos Raises Money to Buy 300 Tent Shelters We Will Bake to Death In While Reading Donated Bibles
Miley Mania Seizes Capital Following Airdrop of Thousands of Unsold Hannah Montana Toilet-in-a-Bucket Kits
Transistor Radios Dropped in 2011 to Receive 4 Additional Creepy Numbers Stations Plus Highly Anticipated "Ascending Tones" Station
Epidemic Haitian HIV Rate to Eliminate Last Human Pleasure Remaining to Our Nation
Safety Warning: Guidelines for Limiting Time Spent Staring Into the Sun, Wishing for Death
"Mobs On the Beach" to Offer Retro Mobs in December, Plans to Torch Portion of City Burned in 1984 Cereal Riots
Talkback: Your Ultimate Fantasy Death
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
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