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Free Tapes And Movies
Old Man Caruthers has quite a library of odd tapes, both cassettes and VHS. He usually just sits there twitching and drooling while staring at the wall, so he doesn't notice or even mind if you show up and root through his collection. Not a lot of good stuff. Mostly recordings of CSPAN and tapes of him singing. He is kind of tone deaf but he really tries to push beyond his comfort zone, and you can tell. He lives at 4152 E. Hardy in the red house. His lawn smells like vinegar.
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You'll never need another cat!
Ms. Balmier on 114 Pine Ave has like 40 cats of various makes and models running wild around her yard. If you show up it's not very hard to trick one into getting in your car. I wouldn't try to pick them up, because I think a lot of them are rabid. I've gotten like six cats over the weekend, and I'm going back for more! No end in sight!
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Free Use of Car
Found an awesome money-saving deal. Visit Myrtle over on Grant St. She's got an old Buick and always need someone to run errands for her. She'll give you money and a list of things to get her. If you shop smart you can pocket the savings, plus you get free use of the car. She even throws in gas money! I used her car on a weekend road trip and she didn't say anything, though she gave me a disapproving look, which was bullshit.
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Free Skulls & War Relics
Forrest Gray over on Kentucky Street has a huge collection of old war relics and skulls in his basement. Just tell him you're Dr. Smith from the Shaggy Butte Historical Society and he'll show off his stuff. He's very twitchy, so don't make a lot of sudden movements. He's got like 30 human skulls and tons of old guns, helmets, and knives. I think he was in the war or something. He'll stand smoking cigarettes and scratching his arm while watching you, but he's harmless. I was able to get him to give me a few skulls and a folding shovel by telling him it was for the museum. I'm not a racist but this deal is probably best utilized by whites for safety reasons.
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‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.
Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.
No lifeguard on duty. Maze run at your own risk.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.