Learning to read is a challenge for many young children. Aiding them in this valiant struggle are two children named Dick and Jane. Through their simple, monotonous, tedious, and godforsaken lives, they teach children to read by being prisoners to the mundane. Every motion of theirs is a calculated, contrived motion designed to educate a child. They are cogs in a machine that will grind them to dust, and that dust is called literacy. This week I asked the Something Awful Forum Goons to give them something new to do other than run around and suffer for the likes of merciless dumb children.

This is part 1 of 2, so there will be more Dick and Jane misadventures next week!


Dodgeball lives on a steady diet of pig ears and Snausages.

SkinnyIsrael is helping children look cooler, boosting self-esteem and well being.

trumpy303 scores some laughs with the values voters!

Null1fy has never seen a plant or tree a day in his life.

More Photoshop Phriday

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.