Learning to read is a challenge for many young children. Aiding them in this valiant struggle are two children named Dick and Jane. Through their simple, monotonous, tedious, and godforsaken lives, they teach children to read by being prisoners to the mundane. Every motion of theirs is a calculated, contrived motion designed to educate a child. They are cogs in a machine that will grind them to dust, and that dust is called literacy. This week I asked the Something Awful Forum Goons to give them something new to do other than run around and suffer for the likes of merciless dumb children.

This is part 1 of 2, so there will be more Dick and Jane misadventures next week!


Dodgeball lives on a steady diet of pig ears and Snausages.

SkinnyIsrael is helping children look cooler, boosting self-esteem and well being.

trumpy303 scores some laughs with the values voters!

Null1fy has never seen a plant or tree a day in his life.

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