The best stories are always the ones that end in pizza and skee-ball.

Four out of five guys wigged out on coke agree: Cocaine is great for you!

Remember how Blanche on Golden Girls was always getting some in nearly every episode? That was fairly terrifying. What's worse is I just realized that I've watched a lot of Golden Girls.

2281868 heard someone talk about ghostriding the whip and just assumed some Beetlejuice shit was going down.

"Yahoo! You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!"

I've heard of fantasy football but this is ridiculous.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.