The best stories are always the ones that end in pizza and skee-ball.

Four out of five guys wigged out on coke agree: Cocaine is great for you!

Remember how Blanche on Golden Girls was always getting some in nearly every episode? That was fairly terrifying. What's worse is I just realized that I've watched a lot of Golden Girls.

2281868 heard someone talk about ghostriding the whip and just assumed some Beetlejuice shit was going down.

"Yahoo! You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!"

I've heard of fantasy football but this is ridiculous.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.