The 711391 family has seen more gripping drama than Michael J. Fox and a wet bar of soap. Read the whole thing and you will be rewarded!

I think what we've learned today is that if there is a god, it isn't anywhere the fuck near AOL search.

That's all for now, but come back next week for some more AOL search action. Thanks to forum goon xGryph for coding and letting us use his handy search tool that made searching through those giant logs possible. And then of course, a big thanks to my buds Dramascus, Mr Wind Up Bird, Buff and Uncut, The Young Homer, Stevens Yeung, vrunt, gobbles, Marxux, Livefox, Devonaut, mojo king bee, capnpayne, Smacklug, Foomin, Flying-Wiz, Sensurround, Beech, SydBarrett, Flying-Zig, Fried Chicken, BreathMints, Ralconn, boingthump, Flying-Nugs, Bitter Milton, AAAAA, and maxnmona for providing the images this week.

Have a hot tip on a forum for a future Weekend Web? Please send it in! I have my email program set to play this horrible dog groaning noise when I get a new message and it makes my dog bark every time, it's great!

– Johnny "Doc Evil" Titanium (@fart)

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There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

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