"lol" now stands for "what I just said, that was a lie"

Men like it when you punch their balls rapidly like one of those little punching bags.

Get married.

It would hurt your wallet if she takes the $400 and leaves halfway through.

You should get started finding good beggin' spots and alleyways to sleep in.

It would be sagitory if she was about 70.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

About This Column

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.