Our old friend Zachary "Spokker Jones" Gutierrez has a hat that says "Weekend Web" on it, and last week he hung that hat on a hook somewhere. I don't know anything about the hat, as in what it looks like or where he got it, so don't ask me about that. What I do know is that someone needed to take on the dirty job of sifting through the landfills of the Internet to find the perfectly good board games and 8-track players that people are just throwing away for no good reason. My name is Johnny "DocEvil" Titanium and I'll be your new guide to Internet garbage.

SegwayChat

If you came to me and said, "I have $3000 and miss the daily beatings I got in high school, what should I do?" I'd probably beat you up and take the money. But if you had a gun or you looked stronger than me I'd tell you to go get a Segway!

dejaposter previously tried setting this record by locking himself in the basement and riding his segway around in circles. It was going well for about 20 minutes until a bunch of roaches spelled out "FANCY BOY"

GirlShield 3000 is currently undergoing testing.

Now just tape some sticks to your arms for the "crutch look" and you'll blow the lid off cripple fashion.

Like buying a segway, for example.

Here's the roster for TEAM MEGADORK

And here's their leader.

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About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

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