Raising a family can be a wonderful and rewarding experience in life. While I, a bitter soul who would have otherwise killed himself already if not for the inspiring and brilliant talk show host Tyra Banks, want nothing to do with raising children, I can understand how fulfilling this aspect of life can be for some. Of course, anything can be bad in excess.

Lots of Kids is a message board filled with mentally disturbed women who cannot stop having kids. Everything in their life revolves around pumping out one kid after another. Unless they are taking care of a baby or in the process of making one they are unhappy and feel like they have no purpose in life. The husband goes along with it because the only time he ever gets to have sex is when she wants to have a baby on a whim. Of course, at the end of the day it was all just God's will.

Welcome to my vision of hell.


Baby? Did someone say baby?! Harold, dust off that cock of yours because I want another child!!!


These women have the weirdest sigs on the Internet. They turn the act of birthing babies into a hobby. It's funtime to them. They are as addicted to it as greasy nerds are to Everquest. At least Everquest nerds aren't in the business of creating new life.


Well, God gave us Family Guy so God must hate us very much.


Hey, don't get too excited. DS here doesn't mean "dual screen". It means "dear son", as in "Dear son, I'm sorry I passed on my fucked up genes to you and your sisters."


Hey, I'm not complaining. Our military needs soldiers more than ever.


Here's what happens when the poison womb doesn't finish the job.


This isn't the fucking Olympics, ladies. You're not going for the gold medal in birthing. At least I hope you aren't.


More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.