ATHEIST is a small German-based startup whose main business is cobbling ugly artisan shoes that say "ICH BIN ATHEIST" on the bottom. Finally, an opportunity to loudly declare your non-beliefs to the world, if by "world" you mean an old-timey cartoon detective tracking your muddy footprints with a comically oversized magnifying glass.
According to ATHEIST's "about us" page, the shoes "went gangbusters" on reddit. Apparently, the godless heathens of r/atheism were so dazzled by a photo of the prototype that they gave it almost as many upvotes as a picture of the word "LOGIC" scrawled on a slice of bologna. This snowballed into a Kickstarter campaign featuring a cloying video where ATHEIST's soft-spoken, kitten-magnet co-founder David jokingly muses his creation could become a "Grindr for the godless," Tesla willing. Or maybe it wasn't a joke; the potential for atheist meetcutes is also used as a selling point on the site:
Maybe our shoes will make it easier to spot the sexy, free-thinking people you like to hang with? No more hours wasted chatting up a pretty stranger only to discover they believe some invisible, magical sky-daddy is looking down and holding a view on whether they should sleep with you or not.
Yow! That's some spicy mulligatawny! Don't worry, they have a hot Christian friend and she said it was ok to call her a stupid idiot who still believes in fairy tales.
Alas, not everyone rejoices at the sight of the word "atheist" on an object. In a reversal of the reddit effect, U.S. postal workers were allegedly so enraged upon seeing boxes sealed with "ATHEIST-branded tape" that they all unilaterally decided to deliver the packages late. It's a damning indictment of governmental discrimination against the faithless, and also a shrewd marketing move. Stick it to the (mail)man by buying a boutique version of the tacky Darwin fish!
So, what's next for ATHEIST's small staff, which includes a musician for some reason? Aside from the groan-inducing April Fool's Day joke they still haven't taken down, they've been trying to branch out into new avenues. For sale: atheist baby shoes, hopefully never worn.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.