cereal that cries milk when you yell at it
bacteria that are frog sized and I can keep one in a terrarium
me: oh this, just a common streptococcus ratti. i keep it in here because it can coexist peacefully with my African water frogs. I'm saving up for a protozoa, they're way more interesting but I need a bigger tank and a filter first
trees that grow upside down and into the earth, so you can live inside the tree in the earth like a little natural bomb shelter, and use the roots growing up into the sky to hang up laundry
a dog that flies back like a boomerang when you throw it
mice made out of red and green glitter so you can use owl pellets as Christmas ornaments
bread with extra gluten that you can smugly eat in front of your annoying friend Connor
raccoon that puts fallen trash cans back upright and tidies up any escaped debris
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
I saw good men turned to mush in the wars against the soggies. Men much better than you, Mr. President. If you are going to take John Brennan's security clearance, take my security clearance too.
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.