bad sex guy, talking about sex - the sex? guhh! gah! duurrrrr!
me (good sex guy), talking about sex - *elegantly recites beautiful sexual prose in 4 different languages, causing several people to dramatically fan thenselves before fainting*
Diligently, the bad sex guy watches youtube tutorials hoping to one day improve.
"Though it has taken us nearly a decade for construction, and required both the unparalleled investment and cooperation of the international scientific community, I am pleased to announce today that the Large Hardon Collider is ready for full operation. This facility will allow us to explore the hidden depths of our universe, with the goal of discovering that truly elusive dream: the neutral sex guy."
*ribbon cutting, polite applause*
it is naive in the extreme to think that one individual can be "good" or "bad" at sex. I am taking the smarter route, I am crowdsourcing my sexhaving. when you are entering captchas, do you really think you are helping to digitize old books? no, you're providing input into my sexing, to make it the good kind.
i'm good sex guy. i'll keep insisting on going down on you and i'll try not to grunt so loud when i'm thrusting
i'm bad sex guy. i'll tug your hair a little and smack your butt while i keep saying "yeah, u like that??" in a silly low voice
and now, let's meet our mysterious third contestant!
i'm worst sex guy. i always fart when i orgasm and i accidentally got a little too much back in my foreskin restoration surgery. i've been a virgin longer than i've been alive
*good and bad sex guy start sweating profusely in the face of strong competition*
love this new hallmark line of greeting cards they created for me. example
Outisde: I'm the good kind of
Inside: sex guy
Outside: What kind of sex guy am I? Read the inside of this card to find out.
Inside: The good kind
Outside: Happy birthday, Grandma!
Inside: I'm the good kind of sex grandson
*Good sex guy spills bad sex guy's drink*
BSG: Hey you spilled my drink! Get ready for a beating.
GSG: I'm good sex guy.
BSG: Sorry sir, my mistake. Here, let me refresh that martini for you.
David Bowman, who has never thought of himself as much of a sex guy, travels through several stargates and ages a hundred years only to die and find himself reborn as a celestial perfect sex guy
Bad Sex Guy can only do up to 68
I'm the good sex guy. You may have read such novelisations of my life as
Mills & Boone: A Good Sex Affair
Mills & Boone: Good Sex In The Good Sex Hotel With The Good Sex Guy
Mills & Boone: Good Sex With The Guy Who Does Good Sex; That's The Good Sex Guy
Mills & Boone: I Wish That Guy Would Let Me Cheat On My Husband With Him But He's Just Too Damn Noble And Also Good At Sex; He's The Good Sex Guy
good sex guy: ill do the sex to anyone really well
bad sex guy: *gets a boner and his dick explodes*
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Guess what's back? Frosty tundras! And me.
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
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