On January 30 2020 Somethingawful.com forums user Plant MONSTER. reported in BYOB a terrible loss of life in the Smurf village. Luckily, as an original Les Schtroumpfs aficionado, they knew that Smurfs are horrible constructs people make in labs. Why not make some ourselves? Let's see why not! Welcome back to Comedy Goldmine!

Plant MONSTER.

Gargamel fucking ate all the smurfs, that meanie.


but easy come, easy go; we'll just make more.


magenta smurf

-wrong color
-good at wrangling
-hates the sunlight
-never once seen drinking booze

Finger Prince

Shady Smurf, Fishy Smurf

Plant MONSTER.



Finger Prince

Ę̶̜̥̠͈͈̣̀l̵̢̞̠̟̘̆͌͐͆́̃̉ď̶͙̙̘̠̰̪r̸͖͒í̴̖͚͓͋̒̊ẗ̴̨̳̈̑̾͝c̸̲͉̹̩͍͚̓̈́h̴̡̤̬͙͍͗̆͋͘͝ ̷̞͕̥̉̍S̴̪͋͗̆͑̉͜m̵̨̻̘̘̺̜̦̐͝u̸̦͆̒̏r̷̨͈̫̮̠̘͇̿̀f̷̗̫̰̀͋́͌̀͘

Plant MONSTER.

Click for full-size (1533x2048)

Finger Prince


google THIS

Dad Smurf

-Replaces Papa Smurf as the new paternal figure
-Tends to wander around in his underwear because what? We're all family.
-Catchphrase: "Hi smurfy, I'm dad."
-Gargamel hatches various convoluted magical plans to find and adjust Dad Smurf's thermostat

Plant MONSTER.


biosterous

smorf

Plant MONSTER.


biosterous

smorf just woke up. he's having a smoke while waiting for his coffee to brew. he steps outside to grab the paper and sees his neighbour gargamel munching on some little blue dudes? smorf is not awake enough to deal with this

Finger Prince

The Smurf Queen
-the size of a mushroom house
-cannot leave the mushroom house on account of her size
-swollen abdomen constantly excreting smurf eggs
-worker smurfs feed her constantly to make more smurf eggs

Plant MONSTER.


Galaxander

Lil' Smurf, the smurf that's small.

Manifisto

smurfer dude

doesn't surf but is absolutely committed to the catchphrase "smurf's up" so carries a surfboard everywhere, dresses in surfer gear, wears sunglasses even when indoors, etc.

PHIZ KALIFA

Chaz Smurf
- boots, scarf, bomb denim jacket with Jupiter Eating his Child painted on the back
- works at a coop cannabis dispensary
- secret trust fund

CDA

cringey smurf

- oh, that guy again
- extremely awkward
- will never stop staring
- does standup on weekends

Yinlock

Ronin Smurf

- wandering mysterious stranger
- the smurfs' most powerful warrior
- bought a sweet katana on ebay

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


Plant MONSTER.

Click for full-size (1536x2048)

CDA

Boner Smurf

- visible clothed boner
- always banging into things with his boner
- catch phrase "whoops, I pulled a boner!"
- must be in every scene

SweetWillyRollbar

Smurf Smurf

-The Smurfiest Smurf.
-Communicates using one word only. That word is "smurf" and variations thereof.
-The bluest blue

pixaal

I suspect Smurf Smurf may actually be a pokemon named Smurf.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN



google THIS

Anti-Smurf

Generally accepted by his Smurf friends despite his black hat, orange skin, and the fact that if he ever accidentally touched a regular Smurf everything within 20 miles would be vaporized.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


So, I felt compelled to re-investigate the idea of the Smurf Queen, and maybe I shouldn't have.

Click for full-size (800x567)

Vitamin Me


City of Glompton

thank you for the palate cleanser

SweetWillyRollbar

Poser Smurf

-Is actually the last remaining Snork
-Paints their self blue every day
-Lives in fear of being discovered.
-Has to wear a scuba like device filled with water to survive on land. It is large and cannot be concealed so constantly has to make excuses/explanations for it or just keeps insisting it isn't there.

Bacon Taco

Smurf Klurf

- not blue
- episodes are strangely short and don't play on most modern browsers
- talks way too much about how ephebophilia is not pedophilia

Galaxander

Chilly Smurf

-always shivering
-wears a scarf and mittens
-still no shirt though

Chili Smurf

-good cook
-farts a lot

Cubone

Fucky Smurf

- everybody hates him
- they hate looking at him
- it's not his fault
- didn't ask for this
- doesn't even fuck that much
- owns a lamp store
- likes lamps
- likes helping people find the right lamp for them
- would prefer to be called "Lampy Smurf"

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN

Poor Fucky

Whoria Discordia

Angler Smurf

-Has a glowing lure dangling from his face
-Can see in the dark and breathe underwater
-Has a huge underbite and sharp teeth
-lives in a pond
-forehead lure can both attract and momentarily blind smurfs and other prey

Nosfereefer

terminator smurf
-is a robot disguised as a smurf
-sent back in time to kill connors smurf
-turns into the protagonist in the sequel

Vitamin Me


Alnilam

Smurf with me if you want to live

Mr. Dick

Geistsmurf



– Ian "BFM" Helm

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