If you get stopped by a police officer for speeding and you want to get out of a ticket, try playing cops and robbers with him. Cops love that game and you probably won't end up getting a speeding ticket at the end of the day.
If you stare at a red light for long enough it'll eventually turn green
texting while driving is extremely dangerous but can be made safe by making sure you remember to look up from your phone every few seconds.
Ace of Baes
if you drive behind a cop car with its sirens on you're allowed to go through all the stop signs and traffic lights
if you are in a hurry and absolutely need to speed, call 911 and report an accident a little ways past your destination to ensure all traffic cops are preoccupied.
Ace of Baes
if you don't use your turn signals it'll be a lot harder for asassins to follow you
make sure other drivers know your opinions on trucks by having a Calvin sticker urinating on the brand you don't like. if your weird and don't have strong opinions about truck brands, then just go with your least favorite Nascar number or obama instead.
if you see an empty truck with the little ramps for cars, it is an invitation for you to ramp off it and score at least 500 points
getting pulled over? to get out of a ticket, quickly have your wife stuff a pillow under her shirt, pour water on her crotch, and start doing breathing exercises
note: this trick works best if she is physically in the car with you
That driver in front of you who doesn't seem to be entirely in one lane or the other? They're an advanced traffhack jockey exploiting the next big thing: microlanes.
the sound system is the most important factor when buying a new car. if you can't hear the car screaming, then it's not broken. all cars can scream
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
I saw good men turned to mush in the wars against the soggies. Men much better than you, Mr. President. If you are going to take John Brennan's security clearance, take my security clearance too.
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
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