|I hate cats. I hate their tiny, slinky bodies; their slitted, malevolent eyes; their pernicious and omnipresent dander; their penchant for appearing in image macros. They unsettle me, as I never know whether they are circling my leg in order to rub happily against my ankle or just sizing up the best angle from which to launch a fully clawed sneak attack on my balls.|
But goons love their cats. This love may derive from envy, as cats are clean, intelligent animals, and thus exemplify standards that goons aspire to but never achieve. Still, when prodded awake by their masters, they produce looks of bemusement and distaste that approximate those worn by their caretakers upon finding out their bacon privileges have been removed. The following paged document this drama.
A brief aside - for the sake of convenience, I will be referring to the cats by the names of their owners. I do this because I couldn't recall the pet names - there were so many furballs called "Buddy" and "Fluffy" and "Chainsaw Whiskers" that I couldn't keep it straight - and because I believe that anyone willing to post about their pet for forty pages is obviously enamored enough with the thing to view such an anthropomorphic mashup of identity an honor, not an insult.
hoodrow trillson gets us started off.
1. Your cat is probably sleeping right now, knowing cats
2. Get a camera
3. Wake that lil bitch up
4. Take a picture of the face your cat makes (maybe wait for a good yawn)
5. Post that shit
A black person is there are no eyes here, in this valley of dying stars.
A Child's Letter regrets the excesses of the previous evening.
AgentHaiTo says hello to the chair's topography.
Always Shirtless wants to know what you think about the Zionist conspiracy.
AsecretK invites you to join him for another gripping episode of The People's Court.
Barometer wants to know if you've seen his favorite Dustin Pedroia autographed jersey.
barraGOUDA is too much cat for you.
bbf2 can't...go on...
Braki just got back from Burning Man and doesn't remember any of it.
burtonos questions whether you are truly in good hands with All-State.
cent0r is so happy his anime megapack just got shipped from Tokyo!!! ^_^
Clanpot Shake taught Wilford Brimley everything he knows.
CropGuru suggests you reexamine your belief in a benevolent Creator.
Dalthas knows that when you outlaw guns, only cats will have guns; the laws of man cannot contain them.
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
I saw good men turned to mush in the wars against the soggies. Men much better than you, Mr. President. If you are going to take John Brennan's security clearance, take my security clearance too.
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
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