Zack: This was the most requested monster in the book. A guy named Todd T. emailed us first, writing, "The Tarrasque! It's what the party can fight after they've killed their way through Deities & Demigods."
Steve: It's pretty famous in D&D circles as the one monster that is almost impossible to kill.
Zack: D&D circles, huh? I bet you don't have to wait in any rope lines to get into the clubs.
Steve: Not cool.
Zack: What I don't get about the Tarrasque is if it takes a wish to kill it, why don't you save yourself the trouble of fighting it and just wish it was transported to the center of the sun?
Steve: You could do that I guess, if you were a huge lame jerk.
Zack: What the hell!?
Steve: I'm just being honest, bro. Are you really going to spend months playing adventures and gaining experience and going up levels until you finally have the most powerful spell a wizard can possibly have...and then you're going to just wish away the single toughest monster in the game? Talk about anticlimax.
Zack: Well, it wouldn't kill it I guess, but it would be stuck where it won't hurt anybody.
Steve: Yeah, burning in agony forever in the heart of a sun. Disintegrating and regenerating over and over.
Zack: Yep, just like in that Muse song about space and eternity and anguish.
Steve: Real smart. The world is at peace. Everything is dandy. Until a certain demi-lich learns of the Tarrasque trapped in the sun. He needs a new monster to protect his treasure in his Tomb of Horrors.Zack: Acererak! That scoundrel!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.