Zack: You know how in Warhammer there are scenarios like "Seek and Destroy" and "Take and Hold"? Well, Rogue Trader had "Assassinate the Pudding Prophet" and "The Spurned Wizard" among dozens of others.
Steve: I think I like the old scenarios better. Kidnap the king's daughter so a wizard can marry her? Sounds like a job for my army of tyranids!
Zack: Fat chance! My Ultra Marines will destroy Hive Fleet Eharmony! For the King!Steve: Is that guy flying a gun with a bayonet that has a gun mounted under it?
Zack: Yes, and he is menacing the other guy with his gun and bayonet. Early 40K was very bayonet-based. You would see entire squads of space marines with chainsaw bayonets and regular bayonets.
Steve: People don't really use bayonets very much anymore. Why would they use them in the future?
Zack: That sort of logic is definitely alive and well in current Warhammer. This is the game where people fly across the galaxy in a space ship the size of a city all so they can land on a planet and sword fight with aliens.
Steve: Yeah, but bro, it's a chainsaw sword fight.
Zack: I guess it's sort of inevitable. If you equip an entire army with chainsaws and guns at some point they're going to make up an excuse to set down the guns and just swing the chainsaws around like lunatics.
Steve: That was how we lost Vietnam.
Zack: Don't believe everything the liberal media tells you, Steve. We didn't "lose" Vietnam. Nixon offered to cut the country in half like Korea, but when the North Vietnamese freaked out he knew they were the real mother.Steve: Like that dude in the Bible.
Zack: Yes, in most ways Nixon was indistinguishable from Christ.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.