SJR8 Space Lairs is a collection of mini-adventures for the AD&D 2nd Edition setting of Spelljammer. The scenarios are very short (2-4 pages each) and focus on a single creature unique to the Spelljammer setting. Spelljammer is the strangest of all D&D settings. It proposes a space version of the D&D setting in which space is breathable, a bird can fly out of a planet's atmosphere, galleons and other vessels travel from world to world on invisible currents, and if you leave a ship you'll float around forever like a man lost at sea. Also there are space hamsters, kobold and goblin war fleets, space worms, giant aliens, and lots and lots of mind flayers. Trust us: it's worse than it sounds.
Zack: This is it, buddy. We're Spelljammin' it!
Steve: I think I'm almost as excited as the birthday I had at Dave & Busters when I got to do the Battletech game, but I got stuck in the pod that wouldn't turn to the right for some reason and ended up going in a circle until Jamie rammed me and we both blew up.
Zack: This time around we're doing an adventure, but we're doing something a little bit different. It's a series of unrelated scenarios and I figured that would be a prime opportunity for Steve to come up with an entire cast of characters. A spelljammer full of them. He had advanced warning.
Steve: I did it, dude. I think you're gonna like what I came up with.
Zack: Alright, stop teasing it. Let's hear what you came up with.
Steve: The Turbo Clam.
Zack: This sounds ominous.
Steve: She's a spelljammer galleon.
Steve: The Captain is James Tiberium Widowmaker. Tough, but fair. Gets along well with the ladies. Lady Spocklore, his right hand sexy babe wizardess and sensual lover.
Steve: Yeah, half-elf wizardess. Think Spock, but huge rack. Also Doctor Diggy Femurs, the necromancer healer. The Beholder thief named Eyehura, Engineer Scotty 8 Kobolds, and Murray Security and his Legion of Red Caesar.
Zack: I sort of want you to die right now. Scotty 8 Kobolds?
Steve: Yeah, he's actually 8 kobolds. They call him Scotty, but there's no real "him" it's just 8 kobolds.
Zack: Of course. And you had to go with the Star Trek theme.
Steve: I was afraid Chewbacca the Owlbear would be pushing it.
Zack: Just to note, Steve is not actually supposed to be using beholders and kobolds. The available races and classes are those from normal D&D. All the Spelljammer stuff is just a setting, after all.
Steve: Just the best setting ever.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.