Vampirella's monokini

The chainmail bikini is a timeless rack-restrainer from fantasy realms of yore, but it's, frankly, a little cliched. I love seeing it in fantasy art, but in real life I have just about had my fill. At some point the chainmail bikini became an acceptable thing for fat people to wear at cons. I am way cool with fat people, most of my friends are fat people, but I am not cool with fat people in see-through bikinis at cons. Not even those giant buttlike fat lady boobs that are like 2 feet long can make up for it.

That's why I am thankful for Vampirella's monokini. In some ways it is even more revealing than the old chainmail bikini. It dates back like 75 years or something to whoever thought up dressing a vampire lady in basically a giant thong that goes up to her shoulders. Also it inspired the trend of open-front monokinis most famously witnessed during every MTV Spring Break sexy swimsuit competition for about three years in the middle of the 1990s. I clearly recall Third Bass singing Whoomp! (There It Is) while a lady (I can only presume she was a lady) was showing off her full day's business in an American flag monokini. The sides of her boobs were a formative vision in my young adulthood.

Getting back to my original thankful point, if you go to a con and you see some woman in a Vampirella costume she is going to almost always have a banging bod. Like maybe not a great butt, because butts are definitely secondary for Vampirella, but she's gonna have a rocking rack and probably not be too fat. AND she's gonna be showing off even more of her boobs. Down side? Shark bites on her hooters still might be risky.

Thanks Vampirella's monokini!

Thanks to Zack for doing the pictures I asked for. Most times he's okay so I'm thankful for that. Happy Thanksgiving or Kwanzaa or Jewish Thanksgiving or whatever your people celebrate this time of year! Do Indians and black people celebrate Thanksgiving? I guess probably not. A great feast for the Pilgrims, but for everybody else it was just another day when the Pilgrims were lying.

– Steve "Malak" Sumner

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