Based on this next fellow’s email, I would guess that he frequents a certain website centered around posting dozens of links each day to random “wacky” news stories, then watching hundreds of intellectually stunted children swarm around each link while half-heartedly spewing a mixture of cliché jokes, horribly predictable puns and painfully overused quotes from the Simpsons. It’s just a hunch I have.

From: Ryan Cunningham
To: Taylor "Psychosis" Bell

Subject: Ragnarok

I think you owe me about 3 minutes of my life back.


I’m fairly sure that this guy is a Farker, just because “You owe me X minutes of my life back” is one of the wonderful stock jokes that Farkers use to complain when they don’t enjoy the hyperlink being spoonfed to them. On the clever scale it ranks up there with “Worst. Link. Ever.”, calling Lowtax “Blowtax” and calling me....well, actually, I don’t know what they’d call me. Probably something like Gaylor “Psyblowsis” Smell.

And finally, we have a guy who thinks that South Korea and North Korea are actually two separate countries! Ha! Those crazy commies will believe anything.

From: GateKeeperZero@aol.com
To: Taylor "Psychosis" Bell

Subject: (no subject)

I just read your article on RO and I hate to tell you this, but the game is from South Korea not North Korea. Next time you write an article about something you might want to do a little homework. Having correct details about a subject tend to establish credibility, while incorrect details make you look foolish. So you might want to work on that.

P.S. Not to be rude or anything but you are very racist, and I am glad that you in no way, shape, or form have an influence on foreign policy. Not only because you stereotype like some dumb southern redneck hick, or have probably never been outside the country in your life, but rather because your cutting edge geographical sense would probably have us attack Japan if we went to war with China.
Ok so maybe that was a little rude but oh well. You are probably used to that stuff by now. But in closing just remember this: Lighten Up. You sound as if sphincter is churning out diamonds by the dozen. Have a drink, relax, get laid for crying out loud and just mellow out.


The jig is up!Wait a minute, this sounds familiar...an article on SA is posted that makes a joke about a particular group, and some moron takes offense at it and starts bitching about oppression, bigotry and being unfairly maligned and misportrayed. But wait, no one could be THAT oversensitive and irrational. No one except.......oh dear god, I think this man is a furry.

So, what have I learned after being e-assaulted by flame mails so brutal that the zeroes and ones physically manifested themselves out of my ethernet card, formed a big boxing glove and punched me in the eye? Well, I’ve learned that I apparently enjoy performing lots of graphic sex acts whose descriptions don’t make any sense but sound really funny when you say them out loud. I’ve learned that while a good insult gets you angry at the insulter, a Farker insult only causes feelings of disappointment and pity. I've learned that no matter how shitty a game is, some people out there will get addicted to it and fight to the death to defend their precious game if anybody says anything bad about it. I’ve learned that I sound “as if sphincter is churning out diamonds by the dozen”, which probably isn’t a good thing to sound like. I’m guessing it sounds like a guy yelling “I’m rich, but boy does my ass hurt!” Most importantly, I have learned how important it is to be prepared at all times. Because you never know just where you’ll be.....WHEN RAGNAROKKERS ATTACK!

– Taylor "Psychosis" Bell

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful