Hydrogen: Those were some embarrassing explosions. Especially because up until this point the movie had real explosions.
Trillaphon: And then the effects went to heaven and God slapped them away, whence they fell back down to Earth and became a Kevin Sorbo movie.
Hydrogen: You just know somebody was real proud of those CGI planets and lens flares. Nobody was proud of the Word ‘95-tier text, though. The only way it could look worse is if it was on poorly-animated fire.
Trillaphon: Shh, don’t give it ideas.
Hydrogen: Well, I think the only appropriate way to wrap this one up is to discuss our favorite gaping plot holes.
Trillaphon: My favorite plot hole would have to be the fact that John Danks: Detective is 100% positive that Professor Asslicker is behind all the missing people, but just in case there’s really an alien monster that came out of a meteor to devour co-eds, he went ahead and sent the entire police force in there with enough firepower to occupy the Czech Republic.
Hydrogen: Mine is definitely the fact that our supposed heroes end up gunning down a bunch of said co-eds, because they’re wearing alien meteor necklaces and “they’re dead already”. Except he just pulled the fucking necklace off of his romantic interest and she’s totally fine.
Trillaphon: Stop making me believe this movie might have a happy ending, i.e. him going to death row and everybody else celebrating and popping some bubbly.
Hydrogen: Whatever happens, that’s going to be how it end in my mind.
|Music / Sound||-8|
Following America's defeat in World War 3, allied forces uncovered a number of experimental weapon prototypes in the hotel-compound of Trump's loyalist Space Force army. Had the war continued just a few more months, these secret weapons would have changed the course of the war.
Extremely proud over here! The bosses took notice and I have been promoted to 20 cages!!
Are there arrows in Tomb Raider? "No. Absolutely not."
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.