Overview: Terrorists storm a corporate building at night, taking a bunch of hostages and trying to force them to hand over their incredibly valuable computer virus. But they overlooked one man, who just happens to be a veteran police officer and starts dispatching them one by one...god dammit, is this another fucking Die Hard ripoff? Of course it is.
Directed By: Robert Lee, 1995
The Case For: Some of the special effects are actually pretty good for the era, although they couldn't afford enough of them so in a futuristic city full of flying cars, everyone just drives old '80s sedans around normal-looking buildings.
The Case Against: Last time we encountered Michael Dudikoff as an action lead, there was no action and no leading, so expect more of the same. Also, the characters spend a solid two-thirds of the movie listening talking about baseball and listening to a fake baseball game on the radio, just so the announcer can happen to yell "HERE'S THE PITCH" during one action sequence.
> WELCOME TO CYBERJACK, THE INTERACTIVE WEB 7.0 MOVIE EXPERIENCE OF TOMORROW.
> SELECT MAIN CHARACTER.
> YOU HAVE SELECTED: MICHAEL DUDIKOFF.
>PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
> NO. INVALID CHOICE. STOP PICKING MICHAEL DUDIKOFF. HE IS NOT AN ACTION HERO. HE BARELY QUALIFIES AS A SENTIENT BEING.
> ALRIGHT, GODDAMN IT, BUT WE BOTH HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS.
> SELECT MAIN VILLAIN.
> YOU HAVE SELECTED: DIET RUTGER HAUER. SELECT COSTUME.
> YOU HAVE SELECTED: METH ADDICT.
> AUTOMATICALLY FILLING OUT CAST...CAST COMPLETE. PRIMARY ROMANTIC INTEREST SET TO “GEEKY WOMAN WHO CAN’T EVER SHUT UP ABOUT IMAGINARY BASEBALL TEAMS”.
> GO NEPTUNES, WHOEVER THE HELL THEY ARE!
> SHE TAKES A BREAK FROM SOUL-SUCKINGLY VACUOUS STATEMENTS ABOUT OUTFIELDING TO AWKWARDLY FLIRT WITH YOU. ENTER RESPONSE:
>> "Yippie ki yayoh heehaw, Mother Falcon."
>> "I’m Nick James, bitch!"
>> "Who wants American Ninja 4 DVDs? I’ve got a whole trunk full of ‘em!"
> EXCELLENT! SHE MAKES A FACE LIKE SHE CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST CAME OUT OF YOUR BLEACHED, LIPLESS MOUTH. IF THIS WERE MY MOVIE HER HEAD WOULD EXPLODE LIKE AN EXTRA IN SCANNERS.
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Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
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