Hydrogen: Damn those scientists, living high on the hog with their international conferences and private jets that fly over, but not to, Bermuda.
Trillaphon: I assume there's a traumatic incident in his past involving a Ph.D. thesis consisting of a much worse looking ripoff version of Battlezone, uncontrollable laughter, and the bum's rush.
Trillaphon: They should've made a sequel to this movie called TERROR IN THE SKIES that's just the same events but onboard the plane, with the entire first half just being really fat scientists watching Paulie Shore movies with disdain and eating filet mignon with gold silverware.
Hydrogen: Even if that was the entire movie, it would still be better than this one. And it can even "star" John Rhys-Davies, who is great at playing a fat evil scientist and even better at eating steaks.
Hydrogen: Turns out that maybe wiring the video chess game in the novelty hostage execution chamber directly into his highest-security mainframe was a bad idea, in hindsight.
Trillaphon: I could go with the obvious complaint about how the rules of computer viruses in this movie are totally batshit insane, but instead I'm going to nitpick a much stupider detail: why was he agonizing over which piece to move, when the actual chess game is totally meaningless?
Hydrogen: The questions only compound when his getaway helicopter is crashed by Lance Cool Axel there typing "MOVE HELICOPTER TO KING" into the chess game that's supposed to be killing Lance instead.
Trillaphon: Fuck this movie. I call next up on the driving simulator that brutally kills you.
|Music / Sound||-8|
Following America's defeat in World War 3, allied forces uncovered a number of experimental weapon prototypes in the hotel-compound of Trump's loyalist Space Force army. Had the war continued just a few more months, these secret weapons would have changed the course of the war.
Extremely proud over here! The bosses took notice and I have been promoted to 20 cages!!
Are there arrows in Tomb Raider? "No. Absolutely not."
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.