Hydrogen: "Eagle Dawn" is the perfect codename for this movie; vaguely cool until you think about it for half a second, and realize it makes zero fucking sense.
Trillaphon: "Welcome to the Company, son. Your codename will be "Majestic Ringworm". Are you ready for your first assignment?"
Trillaphon: "Assignment #1: find a fucking hat, like at least a ten-gallon cowboy hat. Assignment #2: go to the barber shop down the street to pick up a secret message - ask for the buzz cut, that's the secret code. Assignment #3: fuck off, forever."
Hydrogen: You would think that for someone as obsessed with being a clandestine agent as he is, he'd opt for a less conspicuous haircut, like maybe a neon green mohawk.
Trillaphon: His summer job as a coffee caddy at the CIA's field office for useless rejects will be great preparation for his ultimate top secret assignment: meeting a girl who won't immediately scream and/or puke as soon as she spots him skulking out of the shadows.
Hydrogen: *puts on fedora* Ma'am.
Hydrogen: ...ASSIGNMENT COMPROMISED! ABORT, ABORT! EAGLE DAWN HAS BEEN SHOT DOWN! I REPEAT, THE HOT DOG IS OUTSIDE THE HALLWAY!
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Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.