This article is part of the BarkWire.com series.



Meathook


Age:
6 years old
Breed:
Rottweiler Mix
Location:
Shaggy Butte
Gender:
Male
Relationship Status:
Single
Followers:
1,231

Posted by Wolfpound 3 days ago

He has the heart of a killer. I could see him killing Hope just for the fun of it.

I never told anybody this, because I was ashamed, but this dog is responsible for the most traumatic two days of my life. Not long after the Elmwood Park Massacre, he and his gang chased me up a tree. I'm a grown man. I don't climb trees. I suffered serious chaffing on my pelvic region and thighs climbing that tree. And I was up there surviving on tiny bird eggs and tree sap for days while the dogs stood guard down below. One of underlings, Monsanto I think, kept leaving and coming back with fresh waffles for the others. I don't know even know where he was getting them.

Posted by TreatGuy 2 days ago

This dog is no good. How do I know? Guess who spent six hours following this dog around town with a loaded gun. I would have kept following him, and maybe even put him down, but somebody called the SWAT team on me. Apparently since Obama took office, it's illegal for me to wander around with a gun trained on a deadly menace. Anyway, once I explained the situation to the police, they let me go with a warning, but by then Meathook had gotten away.

If he kills again, that blood is not on my hands. I am righteous in my cause.

Posted by GrahamB 2 days ago

THIS DOG. THIS GODFORSAKEN DOG.

GOD DAMN HIS EYES.

Posted by DogDreamer 2 days ago

This is kind of the nightmare scenario here, and I apologize for even suggesting something so horrible. What if Meathook got Hope pregnant? We all know he wanted her, and he always get what he wants. If that's the case, any other dog might have killed Hope to spare her the same rotten fate Noir suffered: birthing a monster's child. Let's face it, Meathook didn't get involved in the dog fight until Hope was surrounded, then he intervened. Maybe to protect his legacy?

Posted by Doctor Dog 2 days ago

I am horrified at the prospect Hope could have been carrying Meathook's child. I was well acquainted with Meathook's mother, and she was as close to an angel as you could get. She was the kind of dog you could look up and down again and again, and see something new each time. Wherever she is, she's in a better place.

Posted by Pawlease 1 day ago

I refuse to believe he could have... not with OUR Hope. You have a sick mind, DogDreamer.

This town has been utter garbage since Meathook and his pack took over. At least with Senator in power, we didn't have to fear for our lives. I hope Meathook, Cleaver and all his rotten ilk die horribly, as poor Hope died. If Mayor Cobb filled the town fountain with acid and drowned Meathook in it, that would be the first good thing he has done, and it wouldn't even be the first time he had a dog executed in public.

Posted by HuskyLover 1 day ago

This dog has evil in his blood. His poor mother, what a wonderful dog she was, did not deserve the seed that poisoned her. Let's just hope he meets the same violent end his monstrous father did six years ago: being torn apart by his own allies. Every dog in his service is a ticking time bomb. Hindsmell, Monsanto, Chamberpot, Murder Ballad and Cleaver are all rotten to the core. I bet it's only a matter of time before they turn on each other.

Posted by KingFlusher 1 day ago

Hola amigos!

I'm a bit of a newbie to the dogger community. Some of you may know me from plop.pr, where I've reviewed over 400 local bathrooms. I'm something of a legend there. Anyway, I've been eager to expand my hobbies, and dogs seem interesting. Naturally, I was there at Slurry Creek (solid 5 stars for dog action, loose 1/2 star for bathroom quality). From what I saw, Meathook was a bit late jumping into the brouhaha, because he was busy chewing on a doll. I saw him yank the doll away from a child while Murder Ballad and Monsanto ran interference with the parents. Not saying he's not the killer, just that he wasn't the instigator. I'll admit my attention was a little divided, as I was doing double duty (heh) and also reviewing the bathrooms. Never going to split my focus like that again... especially now that I see how dramatic the dogger scene is.

For reference, the bathroom was very dirty, swarming with bees and the stall I used had a large circular hole cut into the wall, large enough for a man to fit his entire buttocks through. One man did, causing me to shave half a point off. My full review on plop.pr goes into far more detail.

Posted by TreatGuy 6 hours ago

All this dog drama has got me thinking. A while back the government of Galapagos hired some guys to fly around in helicopters and shoot goats with sniper rifles. I'm thinking, maybe we do some kind of kickstarter to buy me a helicopter and sniper rifle? I could be up there 24/7 shooting every unleashed dog I can. I'm going to set it up and you guys can chip in. I think we really need this as a community, to start the healing process.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

About this series

The seedy canine underworld of Shaggy Butte is explored in this hard-hitting series combining obsessive pet fanatics and crowd-sourced internet reviews.

Other articles in this series

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful