This article is part of the The Great American Reach Around series.

New Haven, Connecticut

New Haven, or just "Yale" if you'd prefer, is one of the largest cities in Connecticut and its cultural centerpiece. It is home to Yale University and a number of other completely worthless universities that do not have secret societies where you get to drink the actual blood of Christ from a crystal skull.

Yale, for those not familiar, is the higher education version of anti-matter to Harvard's matter. When they come in contact with one another they're either going to destroy the world or sit around and make fun of the dweebs at Brown and Dartmouth.

Much of America's political elite has passed through the halls of Yale, truly great men like Dick Cheney, Joseph Lieberman, John Kerry, and Gerald Ford. Both George Bushes and both Clintons also attended Yale. Basically, we have Yale to thank for more than a quarter century of mediocrity.

Outside of Yale and the many, lesser, institutions in New Haven there are a lot of great things to do like your laundry, getting drunk, drinking coffee, or buying overpriced books.

You could also pay a visit to one of several museums dedicated to the assholes that we have to pretend are great to make ourselves feel better about our heritage. Hey, remember Eli Whitney? Yeah, the guy that invented the cotton gin and saved the proud institution of slavery! There is a museum for him! There's also a lighthouse and a bunch of 20 year old pricks that will try to buy weed from you.

The one good thing about New Haven is that even though it's fairly modest in size, basically every major rock band ever plays the city. How can they pass up an entire population of college kids?

Oh yeah, and there are townies too, but New Haven has spent over half a century rotting away into obsolescence. It's really only started to make a comeback since, well, guys who went to Yale started getting elected president one after another.


We're not quite done with New England just yet!

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