Terminator: The 12-gauge auto-loader.
Pawn Shop Clerk: That's Italian. You can go pump or auto.
Terminator: The .45 long slide, with laser sighting.
Pawn Shop Clerk: These are brand new; we just got them in. That's a good gun. Just touch the trigger, the beam comes on and you put the red dot where you want the bullet to go. You can't miss. Anything else?
Terminator: Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range.
Pawn Shop Clerk: Hey, just what you see, pal!
Terminator: The Uzi nine millimeter.
Pawn Shop Clerk: You know your weapons, buddy. Any one of these is ideal for home defense. So uh, which will it be?
Terminator: The assault rifle 15 with silencer and polymer fore grip.
Pawn Shop Clerk: Uh, hold on there, buddy. Maybe you don't know your weapons. I don't have an "Assault Rifle 15." I do have an Armalite Rifle 15, as in the Armalite Rifle Company out of Phoenix, Arizona. I don't have anything designated as an "Assault Rifle" or with that in the name. It's a made up category. Might've meant something back in the day, using an intermediate round with selective fire and all that, but not anymore. Media ruined it.
Pawn Shop Clerk: You also mentioned a silencer. Those aren't a thing, buddy. There is no such thing as a silencer. James Bond or Matt Damon or whatever. They have silencers. You're looking for a suppressor. It reduces the sound so as to lessen the chance of ear damage in enclosed environments. You planning to do your shooting indoors? You might want to use subsonics. Will further decrease the sound level. Anything else I can help you with?
Terminator: Ten thirty-round clips of 5.56 millimeter.
Pawn Shop Clerk: Oh, wow, buddy. A "clip" was used on the M-1 rifle. It was an actual clip that the gun ejected with a distinctive "ping" sound once every round had been discharged from the weapon. It definitely was not available in a 30-round version. What I am guessing you actually want is 30-round magazines for the Armalite Rifle 15 behind the counter here. Perfect for home defense and deterring intruders. Anything else?
Terminator: A tactical neutrino cannon with a 6-particle aperture.
Pawn Shop Clerk: Hold on there, buddy. Only what you see behind the counter and we do not carry any cannons here. Tactical is also a marketing term. Maybe you mean the Weyland N-6? It's a neutrino projector and it has a 6-particle aperture for those tight, long-range shots. Is that what you meant, buddy? Hasn't been invented yet. About 20 years.
Pawn Shop Clerk: People are still that dumb about guns in the future, huh?
Pawn Shop Clerk: You can't do that! You don't even know about clips!
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Scourgelord Vilius Mandragore gave a speech from our shattered capital on Friday and we are here to fact check his claims about his million year empire.
Reason 9: Ongoing mechanical issues with the internal Superman 64 fog machine.
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